Author: icedteaandtopknots

“People think depression is sadness, crying or dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being nub. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again.”

Where do I start on a subject that has been a difficult one for me to accept? Full steam ahead I suppose. So here it goes, I have been in a state of depression and anxiety for on and off for awile, but to the naked eye you might not be able to tell, I have been in public relations for 7 years and still succeeding and have maintained great relationships with those I love. It is something that I have for the most part been able to hide well for the last 10 years from others and myself.

As of a few years ago though it became at its worst due to a major change that I had happen rather quickly. There have been long stints throughout the years where I have been able to suppress it, trick myself or I have just been truly happy, but I have learned recently as a whole over the last couple years I have just become numb in a lot of situations. When I first wrote this piece, I teared up many times because I didn’t want those I love to think I haven’t enjoyed my life and moments with them because I truly have and they are the best moments of my life with the most joy.

Those I love have been those that continuously lift me up and make me realize that I don’t have to go through this alone. After my major life change moment, I talked it out in over months I came to the realization that I cant do it all alone, put it all on those I love to help and that it is okay to acknowledge that I need to go talk to a professional. Coming to these realizations is a huge step in the right direction for me.

Once this realization came in (everyone’s realization moment is different), hope started rolling in and a weight was lifted. The real work had just begun, but in the best way possible because my hope for the future was and is higher than ever and I know only that it is up from here! I have been as I call in a much better state the last two years in large part to an amazing therapist who has taught we to be okay in things that make me uncomfortable and knowing that feeling will pass. I was also on medication up until December 2018 and the biggest hurdle I conquered was when I knew it was time to stop taking it.

Some ways to help keep hope high will be surrounding myself by my amazing family & friends, faith, doing things I am passionate about so many things sports and fashion have been things that have helped me cross over the hurdles. They each make me feel better for different reason. Some other big things that I love are yoga, going on more travels and seeing the Cubs win with my dad. I am in a much better place and have so much more hope. I may still have anxiety, but I know it will pass and things will continue to get better.

How do you all pull yourself out of hard times ? Know I am always here to listen 🙂

“When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars.”